Upper Middle Starter Packs






 The Real Professionals

Doctors, lawyers, and other Jewish mother-approved careerists with academic credentials, mixed feelings about the people they serve, plans to buy a place upstate, and precisely 1.75 kids humping around an onerous tax burden while scanning the horizon for the next brass ring.

L.L. Bean Boat and Tote: Monogrammed, of course. And another one for the dog.
L'Atelier Du Vin Oeno Motion Transatlantic Lever Corkscrew: Bought it after taking that wine tasting class. Used to use it on reds. Now, mostly whites.
Ralph Lauren Cashmere Cableknit Sweater: It was a present. Sat in the back of the closet for a few years.
J. Crew Ludlow Slim-Fit Jacket in Charcoal:Bit tight. Hangs next to ties that never get worn.
Mountain Collective Ski Pass: The math works out if you’re gonna be out there for more than a week.
Sandy Liang Monyo Hoops in Gold: Femme.
Graza Olive Oil: Perfect on reheated ravioli from Eataly.
Practice Putting Mat: Wasn’t doing anything with that space anyway. Dog took the balls.
Shoe Dog by Phil Knight: Read it in Puerto Vallarta. Didn’t get the hype.
Under Armour Men's UA Velocity Short Sleeve: Lifts. Likes the stationary bike.
Ed Ruscha Exhibition Print: “A Particular Kind of Heaven”







The Downward-Facing Dogs

Creative professionals with their best days behind them clinging to low-paid prestige jobs in spiraling sectors while trying to get that next project off the ground and avoid taking a job with “content,” “strategist,” or “marketing” in the title. Constantly wondering when they became unfuckable.

Air Mail Tote: Found it on the floor at a reading. No one claimed it.
Athletic Brewing Six-Pack: Stopped drinking. Downers don’t mix with Trazadone.
Trazodone: Recommended by a friend.
Polo Ralph Lauren Cotton Aran Shawl Cardigan: It was a present. Sat in the back of the closet for a few years.
J. Crew Crosby Classic-Fit Jacket in Corduroy: Menswear Guy would approve
Liverpool Jersey: Loves England, but deep down inside knows it’s like 90% cunts.
Lelo Smart Wand 2 Large/Blundstones: Likes to cum before hitting the farmer’s market.
The Essential Calvin & Hobbes: Had a crush on Susie Derkins (all genders).
Black Janus Films T-Shirt: Took a film class in college. Wrote an essay on Eraserhead.
Dusen Dusen Striped Robe: Gotta wear something while cumming before hitting the farmer’s market.








The Attention Economists

Creative professionals with “content,” “strategist,” or “marketing” in their titles.

The Strand Tote: Not even sure where it came from.
Moccamaster by Technivorm: Awesome lines.
Polo Ralph Lauren Fair Isle Sweater Vest: It was a present. Sits in the back of the closet.
Carhartt WIP Chore Coat: Not everything has to be a swerve.
Kanji Knife: Doesn’t get much use, but a nice reminder of that day in Tsukiji.
Vesper Vibrator Necklace: It was a present. Stays in the bedside table.
Alice Mushroom Chocolates: It’s nice to take the edge off before a dinner thing.
Mercedes Racing Hat: Vibes with Lewis Hamilton. Doesn’t get tired strategy.
A is for Activist: It’s so important to instill the right values while they’re still young.
Merz B. Schwanen Heavy T-Shirt: Really liked The Bear and hasn’t had time to work out.
Wild Country Carabiner: Had a few from backpacking back in the day.









The Techspendables

Highly competent and totally replaceable members of the ops, product, and UX orgs of post D-Round tech companies with heavily diluted options, an idea for a start-up, a professional coach, and a low-key interest in libertarianism directly proportional to the positive reinforcement received from their fathers. Likes Vegas more than they let on.

Erewhon Tote: Could totally live in L.A.
Bottle of Fernet-Branca (Unopened): Got into mixology for a minute. Got out.
Vuori Hoodie: Felt too self-conscious to wear that Cashmere Cableknit.
Patagonia Nano Puff: Has workshopped multiple jokes about San Francisco weather.
Muay Thai Shorts: Thought it was the same as Jiu Jitsu.
Ilios Beauty Ring Mirror & Ring Light: Bought with an Amazon gift card from a hackathon.
MDMA Pills in a Box of Altoids: Had a brief rave stage.
Interlude Home Tierney Poker Set: It’s not gambling. It’s a game of skill.
The Deal of the Century: The Breakup of AT&T by Steve Coll: Inscribed by a former manager. A nice thought.
Uniqlo Men’s Waffle Henley: It overperformed in Tinder A/B tests a decade ago.







The Toll Takers

Financial services and biz dev professionals focused on two-sided markets with risk-forward portfolios, a job offer they aren’t interested in, but haven’t turned down, and at least one slightly taboo fetish. Foodie that doesn’t cook. Never understood why their English teacher in high school seemed to hate them.

Mark Jacobs Large Jacquard Tote: Was supposed to just be a beach bag.
Bottle of Casamigos Blanco (Empty): Drinks it on the rocks. Waits for the ice to melt.
Ralph Lauren Men’s Quarter-Zip Sweater: Has a few colors.
Aguadeno Hat (Hung on the Wall): Really liked Cartagena. Recommends it.
Lisdexamfetamine: Got a Vyvanse prescription through a DTC. Hits it maybe twice a week.
Apple Vision Pro: Still uses it. Just doesn’t talk about using it.
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Numeroff, Gödel, Escher, Bach by Douglas Hofstadter: Has read one. It was politically formative.
Imogene and Willie Grateful Dead T-Shirt: Likes the dead. Never went to a show.
Maison Margiela Replica Lazy Sunday Morning Perfume:









The Walking Non-Profits

Public sector and academic lifers with one-degree too many, a coworker they care more about than their spouse, family money, and a tendency to stack books around the house like sandbags before a flood. Fluent in at least one romance language they refuse to speak when abroad.

Hand-Me-Down Moroccan Leather Shoulder Bag: Mom got run through in the seventies.
Chemex Pour-Over Coffee Maker: Likes putting a kettle on in the morning.
Ralph Lauren Flag Crewneck: It was a present. Sits in the back of the closet at the parents’ house.
Reiss Camel Overcoat: Looks like a Burberry from across the room.
Eiffel Tower Keychain: Just a cheap thing picked up while studying abroad.
Camilla Seretti Beaded Cherry Earrings: Thought they were unique.
Jaunt Ceramic One-Hitter: Only carries it on the weekends.
U.S. Open Hat: Dad spent the whole time talking about estate planning. Guess it was his way of saying everything would be alright.
The Power Broker: Robert Moses and the Fall of New York by Robert Caro: Good book.
GAP T-Shirt Bundle: Still wrapped.
Feu de Bois Candle: It’s good to splurge just a little.





“ The revolutionaries thought they would be destroying vanity when they destroyed the privileges of the noble. But vanity is like a virulent cancer that spreads in a more serious form throughout the body just when one thinks it has been removed. Who is there left to imitate after the "tyrant"? Henceforth men shall copy each other.”