Marriage & Long-Term Relationships
What we want from the people we wanted.
By Andrew Burmon
4% Feel no sexual desire for their partner.
84% Feel secure in their relationship.
72% Say their partner is their "best friend."
70% Think marriage lives up to the hype.
Upper Middle ’s “ Marriage & Long-Term Relationship Survey ” explored the attitudes of semi-elites toward their partners and partnership generally and found a population of fiercely individualistic co-dependents demanding far too much support and attention from each other and, for the most part, getting it.
Attitudes and emotions tracked gender, age, and profession more closely than to wealth or income.
The results of the survey indicate that upper-middle class couples not only get off on each other, but get off on building lives together .
It’s our kink.
Love is in the air — but love and romance aren't the same thing.
Survey respondents affirmed their relationships at Hallmark-ian rates: a commanding majority reported still being in love (88%) , and an only slightly less commanding majority reported being happy (84%).
With the divorce rate stuck near 30% for the college-educated, these are reassuring numbers.
But not every affirmation reassures.
A majority called their partner their best friend (83%) and a smaller majority reported real desire (68%) with fewer still reporting excitement (62%).
Love and regret don’t have an exclusive relationship.
Roughly a quarter of respondents (24%) said that, given the chance to do it over, they would not choose the same partner — yet more than half of those regretful respondents (13% of the sample) were still in love with the person.
That sounds like a contradiction, but it reflects a clear-eyed understanding that long-term commitment is about both love and effective partnership.
Plenty of semi-elites wind up with someone they adore but struggle to work with toward a common goal.
That kind of compatibility matters too.
One group bucked the trend: respondents in same-sex relationships were likelier to say they'd choose the same person again (84% vs.
76%) — a hint that some of the strain in straight marriages is the rigidity of the husband-and-wife script itself.
Desire declines early and fast.
Nearly every respondent in their late twenties (94%) reported real desire for their partner.
Though a majority of respondents in their late thirties (72%) report the same, it’s at a much lower rate.
From there, the decline slows.
